No Excuses

"He turned everyone against me. I had no friends, no social life, no support. He got our boys to keep track of my movements and tell him what I'd been doing and who I'd talked to. I knew he'd never let me go." – Shine client (victim)

"Everything is great and I’m heaps different to the way I was. We’re really happy, and my boy is growing so well. But the scar on my partner’s arm means we’ll never totally forget what happened. She has forgiven me, but I don’t know if I’ve forgiven myself yet. If I hadn’t done the Shine programme I would probably have lost her and I’d be gutted about that." – No Excuses participant

Domestic abuse is more than physical violence. It includes any sort of intimidating or threatening behaviour that creates fear for the victim. It also includes any behaviour that helps one person maintain power and control over another within an intimate or family relationship. But people can change. Shine’s No Excuses programme provides this opportunity for men living in Auckland. 

No Excuses is a positive change programme for men who have abused their partner, children or family members. It motivates men to change their behaviour and helps them develop the insight and skills they need to maintain respectful, non-violent relationships. 

How does No Excuses help participants? 

  •  Examines and challenges beliefs that support violence and domination 
  •  Looks at the effects that abuse has on women, children, and the men themselves 
  •  Teaches non-controlling and non-violent alternatives. 
  • Does not judge men, rather judges abusive behaviour and focuses on engaging with men so that they feel comfortable to talk openly about their past behaviour 
  • Often motivates men to change by discussing the impact of their violence and abusive behaviour on their children 

How does No Excuses work? 

  • Participants attend a one-on-one assessment which is an opportunity to engage with the man, and also assess his suitability for a group programme 
  • Most participants attend weekly group sessions for 20 weeks, some attend an individual programme, which may be for a number of issues, e.g. English, literacy, or cognitive issues, men who are gay and therefore would most likely not be able to speak openly in the group etc. Groups are facilitated by a male and a female facilitator who work as a team. All facilitators have extensive group work experience and specialist domestic abuse experience. 

What are the programme outcomes? 

  • Most men who finish the programme come away with a better understanding of themselves and are equipped with the skills vital for a violence-free future. 
  • However, changing ingrained attitudes and behaviours is hard work and attending this programme is sometimes not enough to motivate a permanent change in behaviour. Some men will continue their abusive behaviour or some forms of it.

If you are using abuse and violence and you want to change, please click here for more information. 

“I would not have made it this far without Shine’s support. Shine helped me when I hit bottom and there was no hope, then supported me with everything, before and after the birth of my son. You gave me the strength to stand on my feet and look forward when I was miserable and suicidal. I have my life and freedom back as I have a new warm and safe place and my ex-partner is in prison. Thank you for saving my life and my son’s life!!” a Shine client