What is Happening at Shine

As part of Techweek NZ  2020, panellists including Shine's own Kara-dee Morden discussed the role of technology in domestic abuse and how technology organisations can design and develop safer digital environments.

View the panel discussion on Play Stuff: Empower through design: how technology and design can combat domestic violence (30 mins)

Shine’s Holly Carrington also spoke to the Herald about technology-facilitated abuse: The dark side of smart technology: Enabling domestic abuse, NZ Herald, 29 July 2020

In the above media, IBM’s Lesley Nuttall outlines specific principles to employ in designing technology to make it resistant to being used as a tool for abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing technology-facilitated abuse and you are seeking support, please read on:

If you’re a victim of this type of abuse it’s important to know:

• It is not your fault. No one deserves to have their life restricted and choices taken away from them to keep someone else from abusing them.
• You don’t have to go through this alone. Trust your instincts and seek help. For more information see safe use of technology and/or phone 0508 744 633 for advice.

If you’re seeking for ways to support someone else, remember:

• Understand that people experiencing abuse will be doing things to keep themselves safe. Respect their experience.
• Listen, don’t give advice before hearing their experience; don’t blame the victim.
• Keep checking in; the situation will not change overnight.
• Seek advice from Netsafe and Shine. See safe use of technology.
• If the issues are at work, consider looking into how to make your workplace a safer environment. Visit the DVFREE website for more information.

Technology can also be used as a tool to keep you safe and sane:

• Connect with safe people for support
• Look up information and develop safety plans
• Collect evidence of abuse.

If you're unsure of what to do or who to turn to, please call Shine's helpline 0508 744 633 (open daily, 9am-11pm).

During lockdown did you:

• go for regular walks or runs? Do you want to keep your motivation going now we've returned to normal(ish) life and it's so much colder?, or
• put on a few lockdown kilos due to spending all that time at home, or eating all the baking your family did? Looking for motivation to work off the extra kilos?

We can help you with that.

Join Team Shine for this year’s Auckland Marathon on Sunday 1st November and raise funds to support victims of domestic violence. Run or walk 12km, 21km or 42km.

Set up an online fundraising page. Be part of the solution and help victims of domestic violence get safe and stay safe.

Shine's Community Fundraiser Carol Herbert signed up to Team Shine for the 2019 Auckland Marathon, to walk the half-marathon distance of 21km.

"Joining Team Shine was definitely a motivator as I wanted to use the opportunity to make a difference in my community. It motivated me to fundraise and also to train so I didn’t let down family and friends who donated to my Shine cause. It was amazing walking over the Auckland Harbour Bridge and crossing that finish line was a huge achievement. I would encourage you to give it a go this year."

Please contact Carol if you have any questions or would love to sign up. Email carolh@2shine.org.nz

Thank you for stepping up to support victims of domestic violence, especially over the past few months. We were and are, incredibly fortunate to receive amazing support from our community – from individuals and organisations wanting to ensure everyone was able to get safe and stay safe during these difficult times.

We would like to express our heartfelt thanks to the following organisations and individuals:

• Ministry of Social Development for funding to cover emergency accommodation, food, clothing and Prezzy cards for victims to access the essentials - medication, formula and children’s needs.
• Corrections New Zealand staff who used their vans to courier emergency food and clothing parcels to those who needed them
• NZ Police who were so helpful in critical responses and getting victims into emergency accommodation on our behalf
• Shine’s charity partner and leading insurance provider Suncorp which donated $100,000 for the COVID19 response
• Driving Miss Daisy drivers who delivered emergency food, clothing, and phones, and transported clients to safety
• Uber which provided 500 vouchers of two rides each to transport victims to Shine and other family violence services
• Spark which donated 20 urgently-needed phones with data, to victims
• Betty Cares Foundation which provided essential clothing packs
• Kiwi Harvest which supplied fresh food every week to support clients in refuge and in emergency accommodation
• I Got Your Back Pack provided packs for women (toiletries and essentials) and backpacks for children
• Sikh Aware bought and delivered groceries for clients including those in the Shine men’s programme
• Several motels that provided emergency accommodation and went the extra mile to help victims feel safe and comforted
• Natalie Quirk – an amazing lawyer who went above and beyond to get Protection Orders processed quickly.

Individual supporters who donated and raised funds, including:

• Virginia who celebrated her 80th birthday by asking family and friends to donate to Shine
• @Leanne_Prichard and @Ellefit_nz which led an 80s aerobics class on Instagram Live, raising over $1k
• Rebekah Codlin Art donated 10% of sales of her art to Shine during Level 4
• Artist @hanna.shim created facemasks to sell with proceeds going to Shine
• Reuben & Magnus shaved their heads as a fundraiser in the first week of isolation
• Philip Kelly Turntable paintings exhibition on Visions.Art donated 10% of proceeds
• Everyone who did the Instagram 5k, $10, 5 nominations challenge
• Every one of the Team of 5 million who by eliminating COVID19, made it possible for our country to open-up and ensure victims could get help and get safe

And a huge thank you to everyone who continues to give and everyone who responded to our call for groceries in the past few weeks. Annee who manages our donations said:

“We have had an unbelievable response. People have come in carrying what they can – from one or two grocery bags to lots of them. They’ve put great thought into what is needed, too. We have had Prezzy cards brought in as well, with beautiful messages written on the back. It has been a real eye opener how people rally around and give when needed.”

Thank you for your kindness and your generosity.

“It wasn’t ideal but we made it work.”

Shine Advocate, Irka , sums up in a few words how our team helped domestic violence victims and their children during the lockdown.

“Everyone knew lockdown was going to be especially difficult for victims of domestic violence who would have little or no respite from their abuser, or opportunities to get help. We knew from overseas experience that there would be an escalation of family violence – and that it would be more severe and brutal than usual. And that is exactly what happened in New Zealand where Shine saw not only a rise in the number of referrals from hospitals, but also in increase in victims of sexual assault.”

As an essential service, Shine’s frontline staff of advocates continued their vital work, but lockdown itself presented unexpected challenges for all of our services.

Unable to meet victims face to face, our advocates had to rely on supporting adult victims by phone. Imagine the difficulty of having those conversations when the offender might be in the house or about to arrive home. We had to take great care not to endanger our clients still further.

Telephone conversations weren’t an option for our work with children, as they need face-to-face interaction and support. So our staff spent more time talking (by phone) to the protective parent to help him or her develop the tools needed for their children to understand what was happening to them, to help them cope and to work towards their healing.

In the first week of lockdown, we realised that even simple activities were no longer simple. Because of the restrictions, our access to basic essentials like clothing, toiletries, food, phones, and money for special baby formula and medications was hindered. Sometimes women who were placed in the safety of a motel had to wait, before we could get the essentials – clothes and food – delivered to her. Disturbingly, some clients who had fled with small children were unable to get groceries for themselves because lockdown restrictions did not permit them to take their children into supermarkets - but of course, they couldn’t leave them alone either.

Fortunately for victims, a number of wonderful individuals and organisations stepped up and were ready to help with donations of new goods, deliveries and transport.

Thanks to your incredible support, we are proud to have been able to provide the best care possible to victims of domestic violence throughout the lockdown.

Read more about the amazing individuals and organisations that stepped up to support victims and Shine.

While lockdown presented many challenges and our frontline staff are now relieved to be able to meet with clients face-to-face, we have also discovered new and better ways of doing things. Our experience has shown us the gift of a Prezzy cards helps to ensure our clients do not go without essential items.

Nevertheless, the impact of COVID19 on family violence will be felt for years to come. At Shine, we are expecting to see a continuing escalation of violence in the coming months and beyond. As disheartening as this is, we will not let it discourage from us from our mission of ending family violence in Aotearoa. Instead, we will redouble our efforts and work even harder.

We are so grateful for your continued support and commitment on our journey towards making every home violence free.

While reported crime overall was down during the Covid-19 lockdown, Shine and other agencies supporting family violence victims saw an escalation in high risk incidents. Shine policy advisor Holly Carrington told Stuff the lockdown had exacerbated feelings of entrapment.

Coronavirus: Death of Auckland baby sheds light on unreported violence during Covid-19 lockdown, Stuff, May 2020

Holly Carrington also spoke with Stuff about Shine's It isn't Always Obvious campaign and how friends and family can spot the subtle signs of abuse in a loved one's relationship.

Domestic violence: How to spot the signs of an abusive relationship, Stuff, June 2020 

Let's end domestic violence, together

Shine's new campaign encourages people to look out for friends, colleagues and family members who may be in a relationship with an intimate partner who controls their movements, finances or ability to go to work. The signs of abuse can be subtle - watch the videos for examples based on real-life situations. If  you believe someone else is or might be in an unsafe relationship, phone Shine's helpline 0508 744 633 for advice.

>> Donate today to help save lives <<

By Penny Lewis, Journalist

Life may have slowed down in New Zealand, but domestic violence has not. With families confined to their homes under Level 4 restrictions (and now Level 3) in the battle against COVID-19, the fallout from the pandemic is making domestic violence worse.

Tanya, manager of one of Shine’s refuges, says Police have reported an escalation in local family harm incidents, with indications that incidents have tripled in numbers on the North Shore compared with last year.  

During Level 4 lockdown, it was more difficult for women living with family violence to find time away from their abuser to ask for help. Women who have managed to ask for help through Police seem to be more open to asking for help. 

“It’s like they’re trapped. They’re so much more limited with options now because of COVID. Most of the callouts coming now are from families who are already known to the police and to us,” Tanya says.

Donations are crucial for Shine to continue to help these women. Tanya and her team have reprioritised offers of support to tackle increased demand and logistical constraints under Level 4.

“If you want to assist, one of the best things is to donate money – we can utilise money very quickly to support victims who are escaping domestic violence during these very uncertain times.” she explains.

Tanya is grateful for ongoing support from so many people, businesses and organisations, but there is always more needed, especially now. 

“When women come to us, 90% of them have nothing. They’ve got the clothes they’re wearing and they’re hanging on to their kids, so they’re literally walking in with the clothes on their backs. It’s very unusual for them to have any money whatsoever. And they’re exhausted and confused and just physically and psychologically at the bottom. It’s women from every single walk of life.”

Donations of money and other items are crucial. Tanya explains that a woman can’t start the process of getting out of a violent relationship and begin to heal if she’s constantly worried about other things. “She’s got enough on her plate without worrying whether she can scrounge seven bucks to get a box of tampons at the supermarket. We can’t help her do the best thing for herself if she’s constantly worried if she and her children are going to eat, or whether the kids need to go to the doctor.” 

Under normal circumstances, Tanya welcomes all offers of quality donated items from the public, supermarkets, other businesses and organisations such as Rotary. “We’ve got people who donate some amazing stuff to us. I never say no to anything – that’s my golden rule.”

With everyone is in their own bubbles now, Tanya can’t accept these sorts of things just yet, but she’s asking people who can help to hold on. “While COVID-19 is on – can you hold on to what you have until lockdown is over and I promise you I will come and get it.”

She’s caring for the women and their children in refuge and emergency accommodation with daily phone calls, rather than the usual face-to-face time. “Because it’s tough for them,” Tanya says. “Especially if they’ve got babies.”

***

Photo: Tanya picks up a bike for 4-year-old at refuge last Christmas. With special thanks to Woven Earth and Bike Barn. Photo credit: Woven Earth

To support women and children escaping domestic violence during this crisis, please give now.

By Penny Lewis, Journalist

Clearing away make-do office furniture from Shine’s refuge was one of the first things Tanya did when she came on board as manager two years ago. Tanya was keen to make the house feel more like a home for the women and children who come to the refuge.

“When I first went there, it was lovely, with a massive playground put in by Rotary. It was nice, but it was filled with donated office furniture and wasn’t very homely.” Tanya says it was important to create an environment where clients would be welcomed and supported – a place where they could feel as comfortable as possible.

“The rule was if I didn’t want my kids to sit on it, eat off it or wear it, then it wasn’t going to be there,” she recalls.

“Our part of the house was very office-like and clinical – it could have been an accountant’s firm. I needed the transition because a woman comes here in one of the worst possible moments in her life – and when she walks into that room I don’t want it to be like I’m sitting behind a desk with a clipboard.”

Out went the desk and in came a dining table and chairs, a lounge suite, a big rug and toys for the children. “We also set up a counselling room so that we could facilitate counselling, clinical psychologist appointments and adult safety programmes inside the refuge,” Tanya says. Before that, women had to go elsewhere to access these services and they would often be scared.

Because of the difference Shine and the refuge make in women’s lives, Tanya describes her role as the best job she’s ever had in her whole life. “I wish I’d started it years and years ago.” Her path towards Shine started while working for the police for nearly a decade as a non-sworn member of the communications team. From there, she joined Shine as an advocate in the family harm team.

From these roles Tanya knew the processes and had a good sense of the initial stages of DV. “The wider picture became apparent – what are a family violence victim’s needs? What are her kids’ needs? How were they getting – or not getting – those needs met?”

“Then the job came up within Shine to run one of its refuges and I thought instantly this is my platform. You get the opportunity to be face-to-face with people and that is really important. There is nothing like being able to see raw emotion on people’s faces and really be able to understand what they’re going through.” 

Support for Shine’s clients starts before they arrive at the refuge. Whenever possible, Tanya and her team will collect women from wherever they are to keep them safe.

“When they come to us, 90 per cent of them have nothing. They’ve got the clothes they’re wearing and they’re hanging on to their kids, so they’re literally walking in with the clothes on their backs. It’s very unusual for them to have any money whatsoever. And they’re exhausted and confused and just physically and psychologically at the. They’re women from every single walk of life. The most important thing is that we get them to the refuge and we get her and her kids safe. That’s number one and we deal with everything after that.”

Seeking donations of money and goods is a huge part of Tanya’s job, helping women with the everyday things we often take for granted. Speaking of a typical client, Tanya says “she’s got enough on her plate without worrying whether she can scrounge seven bucks to get a box of tampons at the supermarket. We can’t help her do the best thing for herself if she’s constantly worried if she and her children are going to eat, or whether the kids need to go to the doctor. She can’t start to heal and she can’t start the process of getting out of a really violent relationship if she’s constantly worried about the 50 other things she has to take of”.

Tanya and her team help each client with “whatever it takes to get her to a space where she can make a really informed decision about the choices she’s going to make for the rest of her life. When they get time to heal and time to work on themselves, then they make good choices. It’s not hard work – we just have to give them the opportunity to do it.”

“We’re not there to tell her what to do; we’re there to support her in the choices she makes, regardless of what they are. Sometimes they’re not ones that we like so we have to support her and put safety around her in the decisions that she’s making.”

Shine welcomes women and their children at the refuge for as long as they need to be there. “Some women who have come out of the refuge require a lot more time than four weeks in there, but they have actually succeeded. They have new private accommodation, full-time work, they’re back in the community and they’re looking after themselves. They understand the impact of DV really well and they know it’s not something they can go back to.”

The refuge receives support from individuals, organisations and businesses and more is always welcome. “I never say no to anything – that’s my golden rule. We’ve got people who donate some amazing stuff to us.”

A large storage company provides space for Tanya to store donated household items. “When my ladies leave and they get a new place, we put what we’ve got into her new house. That might be a washing machine and a fridge. Because when they go into a new place it’s great for Work & Income to say ‘yep, we’re going to help you out’, but once they’ve kitted her out she owes them a lot of money. She might be DV-free but now she’s drowning in debt. If there is one thing that makes women not able to cope, it’s money. Quite often they will go back because it’s too hard financially to be on their own and they will put up with the DV because of it.” 

The generosity of people, organisations and businesses that support Shine with money and goods is crucial and makes such a difference to women’s lives.

Shine’s support for its clients doesn’t stop when women leave the refuge and are living in the community again. Tanya and her team are still there for them. “Absolutely,” says Tanya. “They don’t get rid of me that easily.”

***

To support women and children escaping domestic violence, please give now.

Kua hinga te totara i te wao nui a Tane. The totara has fallen in the forest of Tane.

It has come as a shock to the Shine whanau that our beloved Mary McGee passed away yesterday morning. We are bereft at this loss and our hearts and love goes out to Mary’s husband Greg and her children and grandchildren at this time. 

Mary retired from her role as Senior Advocate at Shine in 2017. Since then, she has been enjoying life with her husband, children and grandchildren, after many years of working at the coalface.

Mary first worked for Shine in 1998, and left and came back to work at Shine several times over the next two decades. Everyone who worked with Mary will agree that she was utterly passionate about supporting victims of domestic violence and about the need to improve the systems that are barriers to safety for these people.

As a Shine Advocate, Mary supported thousands of women and children who experienced domestic violence, helping them to better understand their situation and their risk of physical harm, providing emotional support and advocating on their behalf with police, courts, Oranga Tamariki and other organisations, to help them become safe and live free from fear and violence.

As quoted in a 2016 Stuff article, Mary said about her role as a Shine Advocate, “..each situation requires a unique approach but the end goal is always the same: to work out a way to provide safety and security for those who would otherwise be trapped in a cycle of abuse.”

When she retired from working as an Advocate in 2017, Mary said, “I feel privileged to have had so many people share the intimate details of their lives with me. To do this work has been an absolute honour.”

Those of us who knew Mary at Shine consider it our honour to have known and worked with her during those years.

To Mary’s husband Greg and her children and grandchildren and wider whanau - please know that even though we are not able to gather with you in person right now, we are all remembering Mary in our own ways, and sending you our thoughts and love.

Here are some ways to help you remember Mary, or help you appreciate Mary’s work if you weren’t blessed to have known her personally: 

• Read our news story about Mary, written when she retired in Shine in 2017.
• Listen to the Venus Envy (The Spinoff) podcast interview with Mary in 2018: scroll down to "WEEK ONE: Jacinda Ardern and Mary McGee - leadership, feminism, domestic violence, toxic masculinity" OR read a transcript of this podcast interview with Mary.

UPDATED FOR ALERT LEVEL 2: Shine, and all NZ domestic violence and sexual violence crisis response services, are  operating at Alert Level 2. This means:

You can ring our Helpline for domestic violence information and support for yourself, or advice about helping someone you know, at 0508-744-633. This number is answered 7 days a week, 9am to 11pm. If it is busy, please ring back. Click here to find out more about how we can help you.

NOTE: If there is an emergency, and someone is being hurt or threatened, ring Police on 111. If it's not safe to speak, push 55 on a mobile (or push any number on a landline phone) to be put through to Police.

If you are in Auckland and unsafe at home and you need help immediately, you can come to Shine’s office in Kingsland, Monday to Friday from 9am to 3pm (except stat holidays).  Please note, in the event we go back up to Level 4: If you are questioned by Police about why you are not at home, you can explain that you are going to Shine for help with personal safety issues. This is allowed for under government rules about lockdown, because safety is an essential need, and Shine is providing an essential service.

Refuge/safe house accommodation for women and children escaping domestic violence is still available throughout the country. Ring our Helpline or drop-in to the Shine office (see open times above) for more information.

Other Shine services: Our No Excuses men’s non-violence programme is now being delivered in person at our Shine office. Our Advocacy Services are also being delivered face to face. Our frontline and office staff are using physical distancing, contact tracing, PPE where appropriate, and we are also following the Government's hygiene and cleaning guidelines.  If you have questions about how to access our services, please ring the Helpline.

Go here to read about help and support throughout NZ for family violence on the Government COVID-19 website.

Go here to read more about how to help someone you know.

• It's Not OK info line: 0800 456 450 - 9am to 11pm every day
• Women's Refuge crisis line: 0800 733 843 - 24/7
• Hey Bro helpline: 0800 Hey Bro (439 276) for men who feel they’re going to harm a loved one or whanau member - 24/7