Stopping Violence Programmes and Shine's No Excuses Programme
If you have a Protection Order against your partner for domestic abuse, he might be told by Family Court to attend a weekly stopping violence programme. Some men are sent to these courses by a Judge in the Criminal Court or by a Probation Officer, while others join a programme voluntarily.
It is not safe to assume that just because he is attending a stopping violence programme, he will change. Attendance does not guarantee the safety of his partner and children.
Stopping Violence Programmes
These programmes are often still referred to as “anger management” programmes, even though this is no longer an apt description. These days it is generally recognised that men who use violence do not have a problem with managing anger, as they are usually able to deal with stressful situations outside the home and family without resorting to violent and abusive behaviour.
These programmes now focus more on challenging and exploring the beliefs and attitudes that men have about women, family and relationships and how these beliefs underpin their behaviours. These programmes create opportunities for men to change their behaviour and develop the skills necessary to build and maintain healthy and respectful relationships.
What is the No Excuses programme?
In Auckland, Shine's No Excuses programme gives men this opportunity. No Excuses is a positive change programme for men who have used abuse against their partner, children or family members. It creates opportunities for men to change their behaviour and develop skills that help develop respectful relationships.
Men can join the programme at any time. They need to attend one group session each week for 20 weeks. Groups are held on weekday evenings in Auckland City, Royal Oak and Avondale. Each group is for two and a half hours. Groups are run by staff who have lots of experience talking with men about domestic abuse. They won't judge or tell men what to do. Their role is to provide information and options to help men change their behaviour.
Talking about it
New men joining the programme start by coming in to talk to the Coordinator. The Coordinator talk with them about the incident that led them to seek help and tells them more about the programme.
If suitable for the programme, the Coordinator will arrange for these men to join, but only if they are prepared to commit to the programme fully - that means attending all group sessions. However, those who are working shifts may be accommodated.
The No Excuses Programme will:
- examine and challenge men's beliefs that support violence
- look at the effects the violence and abuse has on women, children and themselves
- teach and practice non-controlling and non-violent alternatives.
The programme helps men in understanding:
- physical and emotional/mental abuse and its effect on victims and offenders
- beliefs about physical violence that are supported and tolerated in our society
- what is meant by intimidating and threatening behaviours and how it affects others
- the effects of jealously on women, children and themselves
- what can be gained from being more trusting and supportive in our intimate relationships
- the effects of minimizing, denying and blaming others for abusive behaviour
- what can be gained for being a more loving, responsible and respected parent.
Next Steps
Many men are unsure about what joining the programme will mean or be nervous about what to expect. Confronting one’s own abusive behaviour takes guts. While No Excuses staff will not judge men, we also do not accept any excuses. Men who do the hard yards and stick with the programme usually don't regret it.
Men will often come out of the No Excuses programme with a better understanding of themselves and the skills for a violence-free future. This programme will support men to learn how to build solid relationships based on respect and trust with partners, family and friends.
It is important to note that attending this programme is not enough to turn a violent person into a safe one. Changing attitudes and behaviours about violence takes commitment and hard work over a long period of time. This is not easy to do. Some men do make positive changes. Many men continue with some forms of abusive behaviour.
> Email Shine to make an enquiry about No Excuses
Stopping violence programmes outside of Auckland
Shine is a member agency of the National Network of Stopping Violence Services / Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga. The Network's member organisations throughout the country work by the practice standards of the network to provide a safe and professional service. Many of these organisations offer men's stopping violence programmes.
> Find the NNSVS member organisation nearest to you.