I am experiencing violence

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, PHONE 111 AND ASK FOR THE POLICE.

Many victims living with domestic abuse day in and day out don’t realise how dangerous their situation is because it has become so normal. It may be helpful to have a better understanding of your risk of being seriously injured or killed. Have a look at these questions.


Has your partner ever...

  • Threatened to kill you or your children or family members ?
  • Used a weapon against you or threatened you with a deadly weapon?
  • Ever tried to ‘choke’ or strangle you or suffocate you? (put his/her hands around your throat, held a pillow down on your face, etc.) 
  • Forced you to have sex?
  • Threatened to commit suicide if you leave him/her?
  • Used alcohol and/or illegal drugs excessively and frequently and the violence becomes worse when this happens?
  • Broken the law, hidden or run from Police, breached bail conditions or court orders?
  • Acted extremely possessive or jealous; following you, checking up on you all the time, leaving threatening messages? (Read more about smartphone tracking)
  • Controlled all your daily activities; who you can see, how much money you can use, when you can take the car?
  • Hurt or killed any of the family pets?
    • If you are female, have they ever assaulted you when you were pregnant?

If any of these things are happening to you, you (and your children) are probably in danger of being killed or seriously injured.

We encourage you to ring our Helpline 0508 744 633 to discuss your situation, and what options are available to help you to be safe. 

If you believe your partner will kill you, regardless of whether you identify with any of the above factors, it is important that you trust your instincts.

It’s also important to remember that:

  • The higher the risk to a parent who’s being abused, the higher the risk to the children, regardless of whether the children have previously been abused directly.
  • Victims (and their children) are at highest risk during and after separation.
  • The best way to predict future behaviour is by past behaviour.

No one deserves to live with any form of violence in their home. 

Leaving is usually the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so if you are planning to leave, it’s a good idea to plan ahead using the resources below to help make your leaving as safe as possible. But even if you don’t want to leave yet or don’t plan to leave, it may save your life to think through ahead of time how to stay safe the next time your partner gets violent, and it’s a good idea to know where you will go if you have to leave in a hurry.

If you are experiencing violence, you can get help to get safe. 

Here are some options: